Participant 1: Stop it!
P2: Okay! [laughs] Julian: How do you get someone to like you? You do something nice for them? Cook them
dinner? By them gifts? Always pay for the bill? How often have you gone out of your
way to put in the extra mile for someone who just totally failed you. It’s called the Benjamin
Franklin Effect. The more time, effort, or work you put towards someone, the more you
are personally invested in them. And the more you like them, you’ll want them to work out.
But when you don’t let them lift a finger, you’re actually eliminating opportunities
for them to invest in the relationship! How can you care about something you don’t have
a stake in? Today, we’re going to show you how it works and prove it! First, we brought
in a selection of couples and had each person take a thirty question test, which told us
exactly how attracted they were towards each other. Julian: Alright finished? Okay! Now, we’re going to need a volunteer!
P3: I’ll volunteer! P1: I volunteer you!
P4: I volunteer Barbara. P5: I’ll volunteer.
Julian: We asked for one person to act as our volunteer and then we kicked them out
of the building. Julian: Okay, you have been volunteered to
go outside! Sorry! Julian: You’re going to have to go wait outside!
P3: Oh no! P5: Alright cool!
Julian: And you can’t leave! This way, they had no clue what we were up to.
We gave the person who stayed a large blank picket sign and asked them to write a message
to the other person that expressed how they felt about them. And we had them go outside
and stand by the door for a minute so the other person could read it! P3: Me too! Julian: And time! Come on back inside!
P3: I love you! P2: I love you too!
Julian: Alright, that was that! Afterwards, we had that person come back in,
and write down five things that they liked about the person. Then we gave our volunteer
a bullhorn and told them to go outside and read off their list. Finally, we had them
run back out and fetch them something to drink! P1: Can you hear me?
P4: Barbara! Barbara I’d like to tell you that you’re funny!
P2: Your sense of humor, which matches mine exactly.
P6: Your giggle! P2: Your laugh and your smile!
P6: How you write your random nonsense songs. P2: Your creative flare.
P6: Your can do attitude! P4: You’re adventurous!
P6: How you handle life’s curveballs. P4: You’re goal oriented!
P2: Your compassion for others, especially your willingness to go out of your way to
help your friends. P4: You’re a great mother and you’re fun to
be with. P2: And your level-headedness in a town full
of insane people. Julian: [whispers] Ask her if she’d like something
to drink. P4: Would you like something to drink?
P7: Okay! P4: We’ve got water, some soda, some coffee!
P7: Water is great. P4: Okay, coming up!
P6: Would you like something to drink? P5: Water would be great!
P8: And I really get a coffee! P1: Enjoy!
P8: Did you put something in it? P1: Maybe, you’ll find out! P3: Yay! Do you get to stay? P2: I don’t think so! You’re welcome!
Julian: When they finished their marathon of niceness we retested how attractive they
were to each other. Those who went out of their way to be super nice to their partner
became as much as five percent more attractive. We’re not saying that you shouldn’t do brave,
beautiful acts of kindness towards someone you like, but just make sure you allow room
in the relationship for the other person to also give it back and invest in you! So maybe
don’t insist on paying the bill every time and driving to their place every time. Give
them a shot to invest and put just as much into it as you do. Whether you’re trying to
get into a relationship or deep into a long term one, give your partner
a chance to contribute to it! I’m Julian, and this has been
The Science of Love. SoulPancake