What If My Self-Harm Reasons Aren’t Good Enough? – Tumblr #KatiFAQ Mental Health Videos
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What If My Self-Harm Reasons Aren’t Good Enough? – Tumblr #KatiFAQ Mental Health Videos

Hey everyone! It’s Tuesday, and that I’m on Tumblr. So, if next Tuesday, you start to think, “Hey, I have a question that I would like Katie to answer,” you can hop on tumblr and give the hashtag #katiefaq, or when you ask me a question in my inbox, if the first little portion says #katiefaq, and then it says, “Hey, Katie, my question is.. blablablablablabla – question mark,” that’s the easiest way for me to find it, otherwise I’m reading a ton, and it takes me hours, to, like, sift through questions. So, just for next time, remember. So, for those of you who did that, I have picked your questions. And, without further ado, my first question: As you know, on Saturday I did a live broadcast with Andrea Bar – Hey, Andrea! – Thanks for being on with me. And we talked about going back to school with an eating disorder. That’s why I thought this question was perfect for today. And this is, “How do I cope with NOT going back to school because of my eating disorder or self harm?” And, this is a really tough one, and it actually took me a while, and I thought, “Ah! What should I say to this?” And I’ve had clients who have had this similar situation, and in my experience, the best thing that we can do is still make plans with our school friends. On the weekends, on the evenings, if they’re things that you can still be involved in, like one of my clients, for instance, really liked to, um, take pictures, and so she was still able to do her photography class after the “after-school” thing she was doing, or guitar lessons, or painting, or whatever. If you’re still able to participate in that, I would still do those things and I would still make plans with your friends. However, if you’re going into residential treatment, my best advice to that is writing letters to your friends so you still feel connected , you can get online, sharing emails, I think the main goal of it is to still feel connected to your friends. And by your “friends,” I don’t mean everybody at school that you potentially talk to, but pick like 5 people, or maybe your 2 best friends, or your 1 best friend, and keep in touch with them so that you don’t feel like you’re missing out on everything. And I know you’ll still have those days when you’re like, “Dammit, I missed that fun party or that big game or this person or blablablabla,” but we have to focus on the relationships, and the most important thing in the long run is that we still sustain those relationships. They wanna know how you’re doing, you wanna know how they’re doing, so make sure that you take time to either write them letters if you’re residential, as well as build your friendships in residential – those can be some of the best friendships that we have. And, if you’re not in residential, spending time with them and taking time out so that you don’t feel like you’re missing things. And if you can go to the homecoming football game, or whatever it is you wanna go to, make sure you make time to go to it! Because I, as your – if I was seeing you, if you were my client, as your therapist, I wouldn’t want you missing out on things either. Because some things are just that important. Okay? So, hope that helps. Now, the second question, is, “How do I stop my depression from getting worse when it’s raining all the time?” Now, there are a couple things. First thing, is taking the time that we’re stuck inside to work on OUR insides. And that would be journaling, doing art, um, taking the little epiphanies that I say or different quotes you might find that you like and you find it helpful, and thinking about it, taking the time to journal about it, grabbing my workbook at katimorton.com, don’t forget, um, and I’ll be putting out more soon. Look out. Also, something that works, and this is kind of weird, you’ll be like, “Kati, you’re being weird,” but, I personally find myself down, I will get what they call “sad,” and I know that it’s ridiculous, cause it’s like, “uhh, sad,” but Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is when you get down, when it’s, like, not sunshine-y out, and I find on days when it’s raining, I’m like, “I just wanna go home and watch reruns of Castle.” I can’t help myself, I love Castle. And so, what can we do? Something that has really helped a couple of my patients, not every one of them, but I even have a psychiatrist that I actually work with in Tandem, and she has had this has been really helpful for her, and her patients, and at Costco. Which, I’m sure, I know in Canada and the States they have Costco, but Sam’s Club, or maybe a Wal-Mart, or whatever your local, big, “I-Can-Buy-Everything-At-This-Store.” They have light boxes. Now, not light boxes like, “Hey, I’m filming, and I’m putting up my lightbox,” but they’re actually light boxes that are supposed to trick our brains into thinking that we’re getting sunshine. And you can google and look into those, um, but they’re, like, 30 dollars. And sometimes, they’re worth every penny. So when you’re sitting, and you’re watching my videos, or you’re chatting on my website, you can turn on your lightbox, and you can get your vitamin D, and your happy – I call it that happy vitamin, cause it’s like what we get from sunshine. So, that’s something that we can help with – you know, we can do when it’s raining and it’s gross out. Okay, number three, “How can I get over the fear of being okay?” I hear this so much, because a lot of our identity can be wrapped up in our eating disorder, our self-harm, our depression, our anxiety, our addiction, whatever it is we’re struggling with, right? Our whole identity can get wrapped up in it, and then we’re scared of being okay. And the best thing that we can do for this is talk about it with your therapist – please have a therapist – and group – and I find group to be the most beneficial for this, because other people can share their experiences. And when I say, “Talk about it,” I mean I want you to take time at home, I want you to journal – I know you hate me for making you journal, but it’s really the best way we can take the time and think about it, and figure out what we’re thinking, where we’re at, all that jazz. And what I want you to think about is, “What is it about myself that I like?” Cause I won’t even say love yet, cause sometimes we’re having trouble with our whole how-we-feel-about-ourselves – “What is it I like about myself that has nothing to do with my mental illness?” What is it? Do I like, for me for instance, I love music. I love seeing music, and I like singing, and I like playing music, and I like about myself that I can sing and I can play, um, that’s something that I like about myself. I like that I’m really outgoing, um, you know, things like that, and what are the things that you enjoy and you like that don’t involve your eating disorder and your self-harm? We need to slowly start creating YOU, a persona – what are you about? What do you think you want to be about? Let’s try it on for size. Let’s feel it out, let’s think about it. All the little quirky things that make you the wonderful you. That have nothing to do with your mental illness. And that will slowly help you come to terms with being “okay,” and not having the issue or the disorder or the urges anymore. And take your time with it, we’re gonna have to slowly accept the new and improved us, because we all know that negative voice can be like, “You’re terrible! This is stupid. Blablabla.” But we don’t have to listen to it, right? So, that would be my best advice for that – and leave your tips and tricks for that below! What are things that have helped you let go of the “sick you” and embrace the healthy, you know, quirky, happy, wonderful you? Okay? Now the last, final question – number four: “What if you feel like your reasons aren’t good enough for your self-harm? I was never physically abused, nor neglected, I have a stable home and all that jazz, I feel like I’m the biggest reason for my self-harm, but how are you supposed to get away from yourself? I’ve been the problem all along and I don’t even feel like my cuts are good enough to be considered a decent self-harmer, as bizarre as that sounds.” That doesn’t sound bizarre. I have clients with all sorts of different issues that feel like their reasons for it aren’t good enough, and I’m here to tell you that – well, first of all, check back and watch my interview of Brian Cuban, because he, his belief is that we can be predisposed and be more, what’s the word he says? Like, more vulnerable, to mental illness than other people, and I also believe there’s a huge genetic component. Is it all genetics? No. But, we don’t need to have certain reasons to do what we do. We’ll have our own reasons. Everybody’s different, that doesn’t make you any less, it doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve help, or that you have no real reason to do what you do. We all have our reasons. And I know that this is going to take a long time. To be honest, this is something I work, like, in stage 6 of my treatment plan with my clients, because we have to figure out what purpose it serves for you – it doesn’t matter where it comes from, what purpose does it serve for you? Then we start slowly replacing it with healthy coping skills, then we’ll work on, like, self-love-body-image, and this comes kind of after that step, where we’re trying to make it okay with you that you’re okay being you, you’re okay with whatever’s happened to you, um, you’ve kind of processed through and come to terms. And I know, I know that’s kind of hard to hear, but the biggest reason for your self-harm or your eating disorder or whatever it is, is your biggest reason, and that’s why you have it, and that’s enough. And that doesn’t mean that any therapist is going to take you, you know, like take anything you say less to heart, or not be as serious, or not think it’s as serious, cause trust me, we take it all the same. It’s like that last question I answered about do certain people with different eating disorders recover in a certain, you know, faster than others, and no. They don’t. And does it matter if we start our eating disorder for one reason than another? In the end of the day, it really doesn’t. Okay? And just keep telling yourself, “At the end of the day, I have this issue and I have to fight it,” and it kind of probably in my mind – I’m sorry, I’m rambling now – but, I’m just thinking out loud, because I would think that it might have something to do with self-worth, and just feeling like everything that we do is never good enough. And so, that’s probably something we should work on with our therapist, and add to our treatment goals. Okay? So, I hope that those answers were helpful, everybody. I love you all and I will see you tomorrow. So today is Tuesday, so tomorrow is Wednesday, and I’ll be on the website, and on youtube. So if you have a question, make sure you ask it below this video, um, or you can do it on Monday’s video – yesterday’s video. And just do #katifaq so I know that you want it to be answered in a video, um, and, in my website, you go under “community forums,” “Kati Q&A,” and you ask in there, and I will see y’all tomorrow. Have a good one. Bye!

71 thoughts on “What If My Self-Harm Reasons Aren’t Good Enough? – Tumblr #KatiFAQ Mental Health Videos

  1. #KatiFAQ Hi Kati I am currently in my undergraduate psychology studies and am planning to continue through grad school and become registered. I have wanted to become a psychologist for so long but the closer I get to the more serious components of training the more scared I become that I am not going to be good enough and won't be able to help my clients.
    Did you struggle with similar feelings? Do you think it is appropriate for me to see a therapist to try and deal with these anxieties?

  2. aww, yea! You answered my question. I don't have a therapist, and I know I should get one but it's so much commitment. Anyways, you totally described how I feel, nothing I ever do is good enough because I was raised with the saying "there's always room for improvement." Your advice totally helps and I'm going to try my best to keep it in my head. Thanks Kati.

  3. I'm 14 and I want to get a job but Im worried because of my social anxiety can ruin it and I won't be able to get a job. Help?

  4. I'm 14 and I want to get a job but I'm worried because of my social anxiety. It's really bad and I fear it will stop me from having a part time job. Please help?

  5. hey @erizefm
    I totally know how you feel. I am in the same boat as you right now. Some ways I have been dealing with it is just trying my very best to focus on the now and focus on my current studies instead of the classes I am going to have to take. I feel like right now I don't even know what I am learning right now, but holding out for the long run when it all comes together & have your career is pushing me through it all. Hope this helped a little & Kati can probably offer better info, lol

  6. #KatiFAQ – Hey Kati. So, I have never been diagnosed by a physician with an eating disorder, but I find myself overeating all of the time & am slowly becoming more and more disgusted with myself because of it. I feel addicted to food. At what point would you recommend seeking assistance for this? Do you think that this behavior can be explained by an ED or maybe a symptom of something else? When I eat I just feel out of control.

  7. #KatiFAQ How do you let go of your self harm, eating disorder, and addiction when going through something horrible? My life seems completely upside down and I feel like I am fighting every second of every day.

  8. #KatiFAQ Do you think that borderline personality disorder is "curable," or will I have to deal with it all my life?

  9. #KatiFAQ hi Kati, I was wondering if you could do more videos about OCD and Social Phobia. I watched one you did a while back and was hoping you could make some more videos about them. Thanks for doing these videos I find them very insightful and enjoy them. Keep up the good work!

  10. #KatiFAQ
    If its too long/ complicated that's okay, you can skip it lol
    I tried to simplify it as much as possible.

    my therapist seems to be really stressed lately (and she's pregnant). I feel like I'm just burdening her even more (by being her client)(which she would never say or show – by the way). I'm also scared she is going to decide her job is too much and leave… or when she does leave (she says it will only be 2 weeks) she will end up deciding not to come back. What should I do?

  11. #KatiFAQ How often are parents in denial about their child actually having issues.. My parents found out about my eating disorder/self harm, I did not tell them but they asked me about it.. They asked me if I wanted to see someone & my immediate reaction was no, of course not.. Though in the back on my head I'm screaming for help. That happened about 7 months ago and they never brought it up or anything.. they usually talk about it behind my back and never confront me..

  12. #KatiFAQ When do we know if it is time to go back to treatment?

    I am in a severe relapse and I don't know when I should consider going back to treatment. Its hard since I am about to start school and I am really worried I won't survive the semester 🙁

    Thanks for the videos! <3 You are so amazing and have helped me many times 🙂

  13. #KatiFAQ I run track and cross country, but I took the summer off, because the competition was fueling my eating disorder. Now cross country season is starting and I want to compete, but it makes me really tempted to use disordered behaviors. Do you have any advice?

  14. #KatiFAQ what happens if you give your therapist a letter saying like how you feel or you may have an Ed? Would they keep it? Or show any one? Could it be used Against you in the Future? Thanks

  15. What does your basic treatment plan look like when 'treating' a self harmer(like your steps. What do you do first and after blahblahblah)?

  16. Did I get that right? You watch Castle? Oh my god, Kati! This is like super great. Ahhw. Makes me so Happy to know that!

  17. I had to take last year off from uni meaning I wasn't on campus. I actually went and lived in a community which in some ways was like going to residential. I stayed in touch on facebook and through letters but it was actually really good not to be able to be online or texting all day waiting to hear news from uni. It meant I could focus on myself and where I was.

  18. #KatiFAQ : I have been in therapy for 6 years but in my last session, I ran out of things to talk about. How do I know when I don't need therapy anymore?

  19. I like how when you said costco and weren't sure if it's a worldwide store you named more stores that we don't have in the UK :') we do have costco here though.. I need to get myself a SAD lamp.. my counsellor told me to take vitamin D and be outside in any sunlight to make it better.. not had chance to try it out yet though but hopefully it'll work for me!

  20. #KatiFAQ My world is falling apart. Should I still try and give up the ed and self harm when they are the only things i have any control over. I can't handle all these emotions, I just want to be numb, I am scared that if i actually face what is going on without my safety net of ed and self harm then I won't be able to handle it. Is it really possible to handle everything without the ed and self harm?

  21. #katiFAQ all my friends seem to be getting jobs and I want to get one too but how can I not let my anxiety get in the way?

  22. Hi, I'm new to your channel. I don't mean to discredit you, but is there any way you could show us your credentials?

  23. #KatiFAQ Yesterday my psychiatrist told me I have an eating disorder and referred me for treatment for it. However, he did not specify they type of eating disorder I have. How do I know what I am suffering from when my doctor withholds that information from me? Is it crucial for treatment to know what type of eating disorder I have?

  24. #KatiFAQ : How can I trust others again. I'm constantly isolating myself. Everytime I let someone in, they disappoint me or betray me. Could it be related to borderline personality?
    Since my last year of graduating from high school -almost 10yrs ago- all the people around me, BFF, boyfriend, teachers, abused me mentally, betrayed me, etc.
    Now I'm hopeless to be able to open up to someone a grow a family.
    I'm seeing a psychiatrist for 2years now… 🙁
    Thanks. Plz more vids on borderline pers.!

  25. #KatiFAQ if a client told you they felt they were at a high risk of suicide what would you do? Also would you take them as seriously as some one who actually went ahead with that attempt? I feel you need to make a serious attempt for them to take you seriously. (I've overdosed twice in the past) xox

  26. #KatiFAQ Hey Kati, can you talk a little bit about what the process of starting an anti depressant. I've been with the same therapist for a while and she thinks I should be on medication but I'm wondering what to expect about starting. Thanks Kati!

  27. #KatiFAQ Hey Kati, can you talk a little about what we should do as soon as something happens to you & you get that ' numb ' feeling. That feeling is really triggering. Also, some things that help me get kinda out of that state of mind is Demi Lovato and all the things she stands for. Xx

  28. I wasn't able to find your credentials on your website, but I did find your name in the Pepperdine newsletter…so I believe you. The newsletter has your first name spelled incorrectly with an 'e' though.

  29. How fitting is it that the initials for self harm is sh like as in hush or quiet I don't know have me a little laugh which I needed as I was having a fight with myself a SH before searching YouTube maybe not a good plan but usually ends well

  30. What if the reason I'm afraid of being okay is because I have a genetic disease with a life expectancy of about 35 and I'm afraid to start loving life just to have my disease rip it away from me?

  31. How can I try and make my parents understand. And not call me a 'drama queen' or say it's a 'phase' because I know this is not. And I want them to understand how I feel. And not shut my feelings out. Because that's what I feel they do, not let me express my feelings. Because they just don't care.

  32. Hey Katy I only just started watching your videos and they are very helpful! I have a pretty weird question for you….

    I think I have anorexia but I am too scared to tell anyone. I want to self harm but I just can't bring myself to do it it's pretty strange. I really want to go to therapy but I don't know if I have it. I don't want to go and then they just say: nope you don't have it. Sometimes I feel like if I self harm it will make me beautiful and everyone will like me and sometimes I'm just like that's dumb! It's really weird I don't know what you will say people will think I'm strange….

  33. I've actually had a therapist tell me my reasons for self harming were petty and not good enough… telling me how good I had it and how I should just be glad that I have a nice home and shit… I flipped the table on him…

  34. I have bulimia and anorexia . I am very depressed. I purge alot and restrict . I am fat. I need help. I hate myself so much.

  35. Santa Fluffy Caps… kinda help, once I put one on…(( yet others around me go kinda 'harmful to themselves'… their 'Energy' deflects right back at Them.))

  36. "That doesn't mean that you don't deserve help."
    I don't know why, but that made me cry right now. I don't even know if they are happy or sad tear. D:
    I love you for your videos. c:

  37. #Katifaq 
    dear Kati,
    can i determine if i have a mental illness myself ?
    i mean like my 3 older sisters had mental illnesses and depression was one of them and they also used to self harm
    i dunno if i can diagnose myself with depression because of that but i guess part of the reason i started to self harm was because i thought if my sisters did it when they were feeling really down then i guess i can too
    this year everything is fine again and im the only problem really so i cant get myself to tell my mom or my sisters .. should i ?

  38. i hate school work is so hard all of my friends are separated honestly i am an anti social introvert and half the time my mom is getting on to me for stupid crap and i feel so horrible everyday its a crippling pain in my heart every night a fear of school the work the loneliness the insanity of being stuck in my head it whirls in my head and whenever i hold a knife i just feel like i can make everything easier i hate myself for being so immature and not being able to solve first world problems but instead wanting to kill myself i dont know if my parents will give me therapy/counciling but i dont know if it will even help i put on a smiley face around my family but most of my day i feel sad and trapped and i really need help on what to say or do maybe im just stupid because im only 11 but honestly i just dont feel wanted here or want to be trapped in the insanity of my head….please respond its my last hope right now.

  39. #katifaq if a client told you thinking that they are at high risk of suicide what would you do or say to them would you admit them too a hospital

  40. i related so much to the fact that i self harm for a shit reason. people in the world are suffering and i mean really suffering and they get through life and here i am so ungrateful for everything and miserable for no reason.

  41. I love being outside in the rain. I get S.A.D like symptoms in the summer because it's usually hell in Australia and I have to stay indoors. And the house doesn't cool. And I hate wearing shorts and tank tops because my thighs and arms and stomach.

  42. I always think that im taking away attention from people with more severe depression when I call out for help.

  43. Katy has really helped me. I struggle with different forms of self harm and bulimia and listening to her advice is so amazing.

  44. How did I come to being my 'happy self' again?
    (This wont work for everyone)

    I had to think my mom (shes dead just a btw) would love me even though I'm not 'the best person'.
    I had to realize (my lazy butt had to realize 😂) that it takes too much energy to be
    S A D or maybe even
    M A D .
    You just gotta be happy, and yeah. If future self sees this, I love you.

  45. I don't think my cuts are good enough nor my reasons. Y'know I am trying not to eat. I think I'm doing it for attention, But then Why would I want to hide it? Why would I feel like I don't deserve the meal..

  46. Hey kati, I don’t know if you still do the questions thing but i have a question. Whenever I plan out conversations for therapy in my head I always see myself crying. When I’m in therapy I don’t even talk about the things that I want to talk about but I always start tearing up. When I start tearing up I always stop myself and I don’t know why? Is there a reason for it or is it just me being sensitive?

  47. Thank you Kati I needed this video. Especially the last question. I felt really guilty for feeling the way I feel just because I know others have a worse than I do and that I may seem to have a stable household. After my therapy session, I felt like my feelings were being invalidated and taken lightly. Thank you for reassuring me that my feelings matter.

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